On potty training
The Spontaneous Potty Chart
“Twinkle, tinkle, get a star”
I am currently working with a family (with...not for, it's a team effort!) and the child, H, had been having power struggles with his parents and grandparents around diaper changes. I discussed with the family the cues and signs for being ready (interest, knowing when he has a wet/poopy diaper, can follow a 3-part command) and introduced action items to help him get ready. We talked about encouraging H to take on and off his own pants, to stand for pee diapers (having him help with undoing the strap), the power of choice if he wanted to change in the upstairs or downstairs bathroom, incorporating potty into bedtime routine, and the consistency with this procedure. There were still tears during this process. That's OK. However, when I was modeling how to do this with H he cried a little less and unknowingly helped me with the process such as through the tears holding the shirt up for me, or undoing one of the flaps. By the time we were done the crying had stopped, and I told H he helped me to do it "all on his own"! (Yes, I notice the oxymoron of just helping vs. all on his own, but I was wanting him to be in the mindset of independence). So when we went upstairs I excitedly said how H had changed his diaper all on his own and his parents and grandparents gave plenty of specific praise and he also was so proud of himself! We did this one other time together and there were varying degrees of success with this as H's parents and grandparents sought to understand and implement these strategies.
Normally, I would come up with a "game plan" for the family to have in place for when they decided to pull the plug on diapers. However, I was able to witness and initiate the quickest switch to potty training I have seen in my 17+ years of experience...
The grandmother was changing H on the ground and once his old diaper came off, H said he needed to pee. The grandmother asked him if he wanted to try and he said no, which is the perfect example of what to do. For caregivers to prompt the child if they need to go, and allow the child the right to say no and then move on without pressure. However, no sooner than 10 seconds after the grandmother put the new diaper on, H said he peed. I was there and I knew in that moment H had achieved the pivotal success to potty training...being able to hold it! So I suggested to the grandmother that if H were down, it might be good to have a "naked day". I felt bad I hadn't given her any extra advice or a game plan other than a quick "remind him every 15-20 minutes", I scrambled to put together the fastest potty chart before I had to leave. I wasn't expecting for this all to happen so soon but it felt like the moment to seize the throne ; )
Fast forward 3 days and after additional strategies and game plan going forward and H only had 2 accident and filled up his potty chart with stickers! H was beginning to develop a sense of accomplishment and intrinsic motivation. He even was able to keep diapers dry during short car rides and at nap! The biggest thing to help get H through? The motivation, intentionality, and support of his family : ) Oh, and nice weather for running around naked.
